Truth was though, I could see, or feel, to be more precise, very clearly that their behavior or decisions were about to produce terrible results. I could not always see specifically what the end would be, but rather, I encompassed this - deep from the pit of my stomach - feeling that it wouldn't be good. I never knew exactly why I had these feelings and quite frankly, because they would consume me, I often times wished that I didn't have them.
Why was I so compelled to voice the truth even when it meant I would compromise my relationships with family and friends? Why did hypocrites ignite such a fire in me? How could people not see that their paths were so far from straight that they were walking in circles? Why wouldn't they just listen to me?? Couldn't they see my heart and that I am just trying to HELP them?? Ahhh! So frustrating! I often wished I could just be like everyone else and not care. I wanted to worry about myself and myself only just like they did, but I never could.
In reading and learning while growing up, I just thought I had a more keen sense of empathy and intuition than others. Okay, fine, I'm a highly passionate, too sensitive anomaly. Case closed.
No, the case is now wide open. In the time that I have come to know the Lord, I have presented to Him, things that I don't like about myself or that don't line up with scripture. I wanted to be cleansed of anything that breaks His heart. One of the things that I presented to Him was my tendency to judge. I thought that maybe people were right, maybe I was being "judgy" and just needed to keep my mouth shut and mind my own business when I know something is wrong, but it doesn't pertain to me. I turned that over to Him for Him to "fix" me. To help me to not be so moved by others' actions.
In addition to that, I have asked a few things of Him. One of which being that He will give me the strength and wisdom that I might not be lukewarm. Oh Lord! That I might not be lukewarm!! With that, I have asked repeatedly, to know what my purpose is here (aside from discipling my children), what duty I have and how I am to achieve the goal of furthering His kingdom.
After months of prayer, this morning I was reading a random blog post about homeschooling. The woman mentioned something about prophecy and it caught my attention because I thought, hmm, now why in the world would this woman mention having the gift of prophecy?? I know that the Lord has given us all spiritual gifts. 1 Corinthians 12:7 says, "But to each one is given the manifestation of the Spirit for the common good." but in my heart, I just didn't believe that any of us in this time are worthy of a gift such as prophecy. Discernment, yes, service, sure. Prophecy, nah. As I continued reading, the quotes that she posted touched my core.
"The prophet has the ability to recognize sinful behavior and a driving compulsion to confront individuals, groups and/or cultures." - Daniel Borchers
"the prophet is interested in the origin and the destination - not the trip. He sees the problem and he knows the solution and he wants to help others get from where they are to where God wants them to be." - Charles Stanley
I read those and thought, my goodness, that sure sounds like me. Especially the "driving compulsion" part! None the less, I finished reading the post, committed the day to the Lord, asked Him to give me the energy (mom of a newborn!) to do His work and went on about my morning. Yet, I couldn't shake the feeling that there was some thing else I needed to know about prophecy. Why??